Spoilers within, placed after a jump.
You have been warned.
Turn back now.
“Turn back now” and “You have been warned” pertain as much to this movie as to the spoilers contained in this… well, it’s not really a review. It’s just some words. Which you can also say about The Hateful Eight: it’s not really a movie, it’s just some words. Lots of words. Wagonloads of words. I would probably have preferred to read this movie than to watch it.
The spoilers in this post are not very plentiful, because almost nothing happens in this movie. You may wonder if Quentin Tarantino could really make a movie that was over three hours long and nothing happened therein. Wonder no more: it is done. People ride in a stagecoach and talk; that’s about an hour. Then they stop at a roadside… inn? Haberdashery?
WHATever. Because there, they just talk some more. Then some people shoot some other people. Don’t worry about who shoots whom, because eventually everybody shoots everybody. Then they all die. All of them. Every character in this movie who does not die onscreen has certain death awaiting them within minutes of the end of the last shot.
But not before talking some more. A lot more. Supposedly they all say some Very Important Things… but once you’re into Hour Three, who cares anymore? You just want it to end. I guess eventually the Weinsteins ran out of money, because it did finally end. And I was glad.
I usually like Tarantino. Today was not one of those days.